So last night while I was driving home the thought of New Year’s Eve popped into my head. A term that still (after two years sober) fills me with anxiety. In my last days of drinking my final two New Year’s celebrations were filled with humiliation and embarrassment. And infront of my family no less.
My family has a “family party” every year. It started when our kids were all small. Rather than finding babysitters we would all bring the kiddies along put them to bed upstairs only to return downstairs to party until we passed out, almost always sleeping over. It was a good plan at the time.
Now my kiddie is almost 20 years old. I haven’t gone to that family party in over 4 years. I can’t bring myself to do it. And even though I know I will invariably be harassed for not going even into the summer (as my mother did last year) I still have no desire to rejoin them. The family is Irish-English and the drinking is huge.
Anyhew with the thought of New Years coming up again I vowed last year to NOT be alone this year. (Last year I had plans but last minute they fell through, etc.)
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