Thursday, December 23, 2010

A post about sobriety (not culture related) : The Ghosts of lovers past.

While the word ‘lover’ is used here, I think anyone reading it knows there’s no love inferred here.  Until they come up with the term “lusters” it will have to do.
This time of year is a time for reflecting.  When people reach out to old friends, relatives, fuck buddies.  Yep you read that right.  It also seems as if my old ghosts have come calling.  Almost 3 years sober there are fewer of them than there used to be.
While actively drinking I racked up a lot of how shall I put this?  Acquaintances.  Fleeting fun and usually a complete waste of time.  Some I remember many of them I don’t.  Which is odd.  In sobriety I now thankfully have fewer regrets and fewer acquaintances.
Today I got an email from someone I don’t ever recall talking to.  I didn’t remember their name, but they had my email address and using that they decided to write me. 
Responding is always tricky.  I used to be polite and write back stuff like “I’m not that girl anymore” but that was never enough to placate them, even now it still isn’t.  Sometimes I joke to myself that I would tell them I became a nun or that I’m a 300 lbs shut in, but I don’t.  I live a life of honesty now.  One that I am glad to be owning up to.  So I come clean and tell them “I’m in recovery and don’t remember you nor am I interested in participating with you now.”  It seems rude but its honest and usually effective.  The drunken one-nighters I once persued have no place in my life anymore.   They never did, I was just too ill to realize that when I was drinking.
As the years pass and more time and distance is put between the sober woman I am now and the reckless drinker (and user of people) that I once was I AM GLAD.  I’d like to think of all of that behavior like a bad dream, but I know it isn’t.
An important part of sobriety is owning up to the destruction I caused from self-will run riot.  And that’s okay.  God has enabled me to love myself as I am now, inspite of my past errors and mistakes.
I’m hoping there aren’t anymore ghosts coming, we’ll see.

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