The Effect - An Off Broadway Play

The other day me and my beau went to see The Effect.  An Off Broadway production at the Barrow Street Theatre. 

The premise of the play: Two test subjects in clinical drug trials for the a new anti-depressant.  As they begin to have feelings for one another, they begin to question whether its love or a side effect of the drug.

Good performances!  Especially noteworthy is Kati Brazda as Dr. Lorna James.  Her performance was intense, moving and sincere.  There was a confidence which I found captivating.

This was predominantly a drama, with a whisper of humor.  This play tried to be funnier but failed.  The two protagonists were a little on hyper side and the nudity and simulated sex was unexpected.

It was enjoyable without being totally predictable. 

See Jude drive. Drive Jude drive.

And so Winter is over.  And then some.  But for now I'm in reflection mode.  Staying grateful.  Almost 3 years ago I was "laid off" from a law firm I'd worked at for 8 years.  Upsetting at first but later realizing that God was pruning the things in my life that were no longer working.  That job was one of them.  The other item he pruned included my car.  Bald tire, a shitty engine and insurance coming due, I felt it was time to "put her down" and I sold it to my mechanic for $300.  At the time I was surviving on unemployment and that car was a drain breaking down over and over.

So being a full time pedestrian had its pros and cons.  Like when I finally got another job.  It involved taking the bus.  Three buses to be exact.  Walking to the first (8 blocks) then, making two subsequent connections.

And last Winter taking the bus was challenging. (see to the left), that photo was created as a little joke from my friends in sunny Arizona.  The one on the far left is me.

It was a long brutal Winter, even by New York standards.  But with my $10 fur hat from Modell's and a trusty Metrocard, I was armed with my best chance to "make do" and test my survivor skills.

And and God would have it, I say God, because I don't believe in luck but do believe in God, I made it through.

Spring finally arrived around April or so. Walking and waiting for the bus was bearable and fairly pleasant.  Walking there gave my fat arse some leisurely exercise and time for my mind to reflect and get centered at the start of the day.

I knew that I needed a car because I could not go through another Winter like that. Waiting for almost an hour in 15 degree temps is brutal, and spirit crushing.  Getting another car would be difficult because there isn't a money tree in my backyard.  I know, I've looked.

But again, as God would have it, my status has again changed from pedestrian to motorist. And although this is a positive change, with every change comes a transitional phrase.   
I have so many options now, and I guess I just want to make the "right" ones.  Luxury problems I know.

Life just keeps getting better and better.  What I realize now, is its always in God's time, good, bad or indifferent.  When I let go of my expectations great things happen.

Too Early For Christmas.

And so, November is here. 

November, not December, not the holidays, yet.  I say that though, internally I am filled with a slow, building sense of panic.

You see I'm not much of a planner when it comes to holidays.  And when I say planning what I really mean is saving up for gifts.  Or my other issue which is figuring out what the f*** to get for my loving friends and family.

Not exactly the holiday spirit.  I'm grateful that the amount of emotional stress is less.  Years ago I thought I had something to prove and go big with gifts or at least try to.  Most of the time feeling like a big fat failure.

A couple of years back I had a sponsor who helped me with all of this, whether she realized she was doing so or not I'm not sure.  She asked me to help her with a toy drive for kids of incarcerated parents.

At first I was jaded about the idea. I didn't like the idea of helping out those parents in prison, after all they put themselves there right? But those kids?  Well I had to take a hard look at things and came to the conclusion that EVERY kid deserves a gift, and in this case even more so.  Some children grow up with the shame of their parents mistakes, robbing them of the childhood they all deserve.  I could relate to that.  

And miraculously when I put the word out I received so many contributions, some from friends of friends who I'd never even met!  It filled me with joy to think of people helping people, and I was a part of that.  It put things into perspective.  So what if the gifts I could afford for people were or weren't good enough?  Who cared?

Maybe I need to take a page from that lesson and look at this year the same way and give with a purpose.  But not this way:

Find a charity, help others.  But where to start? 

 

What's Next??

What's Next:

These days, your guess is as good as mine.  There's a song by Staind called "its been a while" and the lyric goes something like "f*cked things up just like I ALWAYS do". 

Um yeah, that's me right about now.  Instead of dealing with my feelings soberly.  I lashed out, disregarded my program and pushed away the most wonderful man I've ever met.


To say I've "stepped in it big time" would be quite the understatement.  For reasons I won't go into, though don't hold me to it, I've taken a much contemplated hiatus from Facebook.  It feels really really weird.  Oh and I no longer have a computer which is why I'm at the library writing this.


I guess whether its been consciously, or unconsciously I've totally cleared myself of distractions.  No one left on my dance card but me and God.  I need not to run from this BUT TO LEARN FROM IT.


Ever since I went on those damn anti-depressants, or off them I should say, I haven't been the same sober woman.  It sucks.  But I've been clawing my way back ever since.  Its a slow process and being in a relationship may have slowed things down additionally.


I don't know what God has in store for me regarding me and Mike but I have to believe if we are meant be together, we will be.  Ultimately I don't want to hurt him anymore/do any damage.


What's that line from the Fiona Apple song Criminal?  "I've been careless with a delicate man".  He deserves better. 


Now I have mucho time on my hands and I've been trying to stay busy and healthfully so.  Sitting here at the library less than 5 minutes walking time to Mike's house isn't easy.  I've really missed him since he wasn't just my lover he was my best friend.


But I had to return some library books before the end of the month and grab some computer time for some directions to a dental office.


I haven't been on this blog in forever, sorry it isn't more pithy or even relevant, but I needed to get some of this stuff out of my head.

Pope Joan - a book review

And so I finally finished my latest book club historical fiction selection: Pope Joan by Donna Woolfolk Cross.

Its long, almost 400 pages.  While I thoroughly enjoyed the beginning with its strong sentiment of "I am woman hear me roar" it became somewhat laborious with its listings of ancient scrolls that were read and numerous characters with names I could hardly keep straight in my head.

The ending made me totally mad and almost sorry I even bothered to finish it. 

Side Effects - a movie review

And so this afternoon I went to see the star studded film, Side Effects, a story of how a depressed woman (Mara Rooney) under a doctor's care (Jude Law) is prescribed  antidepressants and things go horribly wrong.

Essentially I went to see this movie because on its face it seemed intriguing.  Then to cover myself, I cross referenced Rottentomatoes.com (my personal go to website for reviews) which gave it a respectable 85%.

With cherry twizzlers at the ready, this movie opens and slowly builds momentum.  A somewhat mild but intriguing suspenseful story with a clever plot twist or two that entertains but doesn't totally insult the intelligence of its audience.

One of the better movies I've seen as far as dramas go.  I give it 3 stars.  Oh and Catherine Zeta Jones is much better in this flick than I thought she'd be, Mara Rooney is outstanding.

Book reviews to come!

And so
              I've come to the realization that I'm attracted to things that are compelling.  Not sure that's the right wording.  You see, every year, after new years, I tell myself I'll read more.  And well, it never seemed to happen.  Until now.

So to compel myself to read more, I decided to join a book club.  How do I go about this?  I take a page out of a friend's book.  (Pun intended).  And I join a book club through Meetup.com.  (a website I highly recommend

This bookclub meets every two weeks, at a soup-and-sandwich-type of place.  Right now I'm on my second book and my reading speed has already picked up.

But, if I hadn't made the commitment to join the club, there would have been nothing compelling me to finish.  I mean honestly, whenever I'm reading a book, I'm not always able to delve into the storyline.  I'm usually too busy critiqueing what it is I'm reading rather than just enjoying it.

Now I seem to be doing abit of both. (Yeah me, way to multi-task) LOL.

And since I am a self-proclaimed 'culture vulture', it was about time I added another facet on subjects worth reviewing.

Currently, I'm reading "The Ages of Miracles" by Karen Thompson Walker.  .  Its an easy read so far.

 Review when I'm finished..........