November, not December, not the holidays, yet. I say that though, internally I am filled with a slow, building sense of panic.
You see I'm not much of a planner when it comes to holidays. And when I say planning what I really mean is saving up for gifts. Or my other issue which is figuring out what the f*** to get for my loving friends and family.
Not exactly the holiday spirit. I'm grateful that the amount of emotional stress is less. Years ago I thought I had something to prove and go big with gifts or at least try to. Most of the time feeling like a big fat failure.
A couple of years back I had a sponsor who helped me with all of this, whether she realized she was doing so or not I'm not sure. She asked me to help her with a toy drive for kids of incarcerated parents.
At first I was jaded about the idea. I didn't like the idea of helping out those parents in prison, after all they put themselves there right? But those kids? Well I had to take a hard look at things and came to the conclusion that EVERY kid deserves a gift, and in this case even more so. Some children grow up with the shame of their parents mistakes, robbing them of the childhood they all deserve. I could relate to that.
And miraculously when I put the word out I received so many contributions, some from friends of friends who I'd never even met! It filled me with joy to think of people helping people, and I was a part of that. It put things into perspective. So what if the gifts I could afford for people were or weren't good enough? Who cared?
Maybe I need to take a page from that lesson and look at this year the same way and give with a purpose. But not this way:
Find a charity, help others. But where to start?
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