Just stuff in my head

I heard something at a meeting last night that I liked.  A woman shared of how her children are back at school and she, being a stay at home mom, was missing them.  After an activity-fueled Summer the house was now empty if for even a few hours.  She said she was really missing the kids.  She, also being a creature of habit, was slow to accept change and having difficulty with it. 

She said she understood what she needed to do was simply FEEL her feelings.  It was all about acceptance.  She said after being used to either drinking, eating or spending her way to feel better immediately, she knew that simply feeling her feelings was the best way to go.  Afterwards she quickly added, but the other way is much more fun, and we all laughed.

And right now, despite how incapable and unlovely I’ve been feeling these days. I’ve been trying to do the same thing.  Standing in that corridor of uncomfortability sucks. I’ve been shifting in 500 different ways to just stop wishing things be perfect and just leave it all the fuck alone.  I’ve worried about disappointing people around  me.

It all comes back to fear.  Fear of losing something I have.  Fear of not having something I want, blah, blah, blah.  Still, its true.