So today I got some less than pleasant news. (A running theme this week actually.) My son missed the cut off day to enroll into Spring classes at college. He was trying to change schools, having left Geneseo, and NCC being the only alternative. I wasn’t totally surprised. Between him and his father they were asleep at the switch. The holidays falling amidst all of this didn’t help matter much either.
So my son calls me just minutes after finding out this little factoid. “Are you serious?” Was my reply. It was actually his reply too after having spoken with the clerk at the Registrar. Yesterday was the cut off date? It wasn’t the worst thing in the world I KNOW he didn’t do this on purpose. His failure to get everything done was due to procrastination. I did a mental shrug and tried to be as positive and supportive as I could be.
Jordan doesn’t know what the fuck he really wants to do college-wise. Now he has a good 8 months to figure out what he might want to pursue and of course what other school he might wish to finish up his two years and finish to get his Bachelor’s at. Plus there is the little matter of what does he truly wish to pursue in terms of his studies since he isn’t happy with the idea of Accounting at all.
Me being at work I offered to pick up on my lunchbreak and drop him at the bus stop so he could make it home. As I’m driving up the street he has this huge smile across his face. His smile in the face of disappointment is what prompted me to write this blog at all. Because it was so contradictory to the situation. I’d like to think it was ironic optimism. But secretly I think he was just relieved to not have to go back to school anytime soon. Of course I didn’t mention either of these thoughts to him.
He opens the car door still smiling, laughs and says something to the effect “Its messed up.” He goes on to say the if onlys. If only I had waited at the college yesterday longer. If only I had gone earlier in the week. If only this, if only that.
Right now the only, “if only” that’s on my brain was, “If only your father possessed your gentle optimism, it might prevent the conipcion he’s going to have tonight once he hears this news.” Oddly enough I remained optimistic too. I don’t know why. I’m giving God the credit on this one.
We rode in the car a short while to the bus stop. I joked that we were stopping off at McDonalds to pick up his uniform. Me using the classic “Ya want fries with that?” cliché He rolled his eyes at me and said “Har, har, har.” I warned him his father might be less than kind when hearing the news and that he should be prepared for that.
We tossed around some ideas of how he might most effectively use this time. Since he’s still living and being supported by his father he isn’t under any strain to take the “safe route”. He says he wants to spend a lot of time at the library reading. He wants to keep his mind engaged. I know I need to push him to keep his routine structured. He knows that’s when he’s at his best. Not having too much time on his hands.
Of course he plans on working he immediately tells me his options from his old job and plans to get a better one. I know God is looking after this kid and I pray that my faith lets me trust in God even when I feel like everything is failing (or flailing) around me.
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