These days, your guess is as good as mine. There's a song by Staind called "its been a while" and the lyric goes something like "f*cked things up just like I ALWAYS do". Um yeah, that's me right about now. Instead of dealing with my feelings soberly. I lashed out, disregarded my program and pushed away the most wonderful man I've ever met.
To say I've "stepped in it big time" would be quite the understatement. For reasons I won't go into, though don't hold me to it, I've taken a much contemplated hiatus from Facebook. It feels really really weird. Oh and I no longer have a computer which is why I'm at the library writing this.
I guess whether its been consciously, or unconsciously I've totally cleared myself of distractions. No one left on my dance card but me and God. I need not to run from this BUT TO LEARN FROM IT.
Ever since I went on those damn anti-depressants, or off them I should say, I haven't been the same sober woman. It sucks. But I've been clawing my way back ever since. Its a slow process and being in a relationship may have slowed things down additionally.
I don't know what God has in store for me regarding me and Mike but I have to believe if we are meant be together, we will be. Ultimately I don't want to hurt him anymore/do any damage.
What's that line from the Fiona Apple song Criminal? "I've been careless with a delicate man". He deserves better.
Now I have mucho time on my hands and I've been trying to stay busy and healthfully so. Sitting here at the library less than 5 minutes walking time to Mike's house isn't easy. I've really missed him since he wasn't just my lover he was my best friend.
But I had to return some library books before the end of the month and grab some computer time for some directions to a dental office.
I haven't been on this blog in forever, sorry it isn't more pithy or even relevant, but I needed to get some of this stuff out of my head.
